watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
