im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
