All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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