I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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