My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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