Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
