Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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