the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
