Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he was CRYING into my vagina
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
