it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
