Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
