My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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