4 words: hood of his car
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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