holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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