Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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