sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
