I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
