Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
