I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
