so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
