Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize