girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
