dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
