you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
