I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
