just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
3pm strippers are depressing
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
