what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize