I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
