I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
