Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
