Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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