put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
