not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
