I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
