She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
