Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
