Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
