I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize