i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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