I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
