Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is Oprah even human
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize