Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
