Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
