i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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