I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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