I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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