Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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