My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
