all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
