i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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