Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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