My friends, they love my intelligence
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
