I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
