I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
