Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
