you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize