Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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