did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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