Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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