How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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