Having a random hookup so left but love u
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
