I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
