We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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