look no pants
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i want to swaddle you in tequila
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
