Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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