So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
