I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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