I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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