Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
