yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
