That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
