From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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