i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize