you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
