i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
