There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
