So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
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